How to Slay your Wedding Toast
You’d be surprised how many people actually listen to a wedding toast. You might think that people will be eating, will already be sort of drunk, will be talking, or maybe that guests will just ignore you and get on their phones. But, from my experience at over 150 weddings, you would be very wrong. People listen quite attentively to weddings toasts, and are often rather engaging as well (if you’re nervous about your speech, this probably isn’t helping, but stick with me!)
A wedding toast is an opportunity to add another formality that gets lost in the chaos of regimented timeline activities, but it doesn’t have to be. Because it is also an opportunity to leave a lasting impression on every guest in attendance, to commemorate the value of the union they have all witnessed, and to pay tribute to a person who is likely one of your best friends if not your best friend.
I’ve attended so many weddings that I’ve forgotten some entirely. So I’ve heard my share of toasts. And not only have I listened to toasts, but I’ve also done a lot of public speaking in my lifetime (everything from preaching to teaching high school to speaking at benefit dinners to a few toasts of my own). So the advice I will give is a mixture of public speaking principles and some do’s/don’ts I’ve picked up from my time as a wedding vendor. So let’s dive in! Here are some pointers to help you absolutely destroy your wedding toast:
Do not start with, “For those of you who don’t know me…”. This is the intro to probably 97% of the speeches I’ve ever heard. And if you do it, it’s not the end of the world, but literally every person in attendance is expecting it. And the fastest way to lose an audience is to do exactly what they expect. Don’t worry about introducing yourself. Let the audience figure out who you are as you speak, or find a creative way to work it into your introduction.
Don’t talk too long. Shoot for 5 minutes. Max. If you’re not an experienced speaker, practice in your car or wherever you feel comfortable and time it. The longer you talk, the less people will listen.
Take time to be specific. If you stand up and talk about how you’ve been together through thick and thin, how you love the couple to the moon and back, or how you can’t imagine anyone better for your friend, you’ve basically given the audience nothing to remember. Think of a time you were there through thick and thin and share that story instead. Give an example of why you love them to the moon and back. Cite specifics about why they are such a great match. That’s what makes a speech memorable!
No inside jokes. Remember, this speech is for everyone, not just the couple. Sharing inside jokes or only making references that the couple will understand alienates your audience, and people will quickly lose interest.
Balance humor with depth. My favorite structure for a speech is to start off light, go deep, and then end light. If the depth is powerful enough, you can end there, but a safer approach is to end with humor. This will help give the speech character and will make the content feel more real and meaningful.
Avoid past relationships. We’ve all seen The Office. Don’t be Michael.
Change up your cadence/tone. This is more of a public speaking principle. But there’s a specific manner of speaking that a lot of people use when they’re giving a toast. I can’t really describe it in text format, but you probably know what I’m talking about. It’s ok if you do it, but feel free to switch things up every now and then.
End well. Landing the plane is almost as hard as takeoff (at least in wedding toast terms). If you’re not sure how to conclude, there’s always the actual toast. But instead of saying “let’s raise our glass to the new Mr. and Mrs.” or something cliche, try incorporating a theme from your speech. For example, if you talked about how they met scuba diving, “A toast to many years of diving deeper and deeper in love.” It’s corny, but you get what I’m saying.
Balance jabs with compliments. I’ve seen speeches before that were almost entirely roasts. They’re hilarious when done well, don’t get me wrong. But remember that a lot of people in attendance don’t know either the bride or groom. So make sure you also give them some good qualities to take home as well.
Don’t read it. If you read, the speech will sound like you’re reading. While this is safe, you are forfeiting so much of what separates good speeches from great speeches. Here’s a pro tip - instead of writing your entire speech, write the first sentence of each point you want to make. That way you don’t miss anything but you still get to speak directly to your audience.
There you go! That might feel like a lot, but if I could summarize it all, I’d say that when writing your toast, be yourself, be creative, and give the audience something meaningful to take home. If you do that, then I’d say you gave a great wedding toast. And if nothing else, just think about how someone like me, a wedding videographer, hears toasts. I’m always looking for those few sentences that just capture the essence of a couple, that pays tribute to the love they have for each other, that tells their story, or that explains what makes their love special. I’m not saying do it for the video, but if you end up in the video, then you gave a great speech and you should be proud!
